I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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