I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
