Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
