I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
