Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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