i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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