That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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