Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
