After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
