but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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