I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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