Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
