I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
