im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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