they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
