I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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