Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
