i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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