why didn't you poke me back
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
