i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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