am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
