his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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