Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
