Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize