I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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