"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
