I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
