Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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