just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
