It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
