you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
