I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
