I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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