i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Of course I have a pirate flag
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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