I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell her she can't have a vagina
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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