I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
