I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
