I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
