Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i have two assholes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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