I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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