So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
