that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
