The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
