i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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