I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
