I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
