I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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