I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
