Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
