you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
