I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
