And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
