I must be too annoying 4 u.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize