Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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