Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
