There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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