You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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