I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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