how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
