If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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