grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
