I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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