She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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