Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
