i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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