She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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