he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You can't special order awesome
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
