Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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