I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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