tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
