Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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