i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need a burrito and a hug.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
