I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
