I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
