I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
