I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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