You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
