she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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